Day 18 | Making the Most of It

Hey guys, it’s finally Sunday. I mean, yeah, more than half a day has already passed by, but I am quite pleased with myself for how I have been spending it so far, in spite of the financial challenges that I’m still facing in my life. Recently, I have been openly writing about it on my LinkedIn, fully acknowledging that even though things may seem to be improving in some areas of my life, I cannot ignore that there is still this major challenge that I need to face and overcome. And that major challenge in my life right now is my financial debt.

I don’t wish to minimize it and make the issue less serious than it ought to be. I’ve promised you that I’ll always be brutally authentic on my blog, and I intend to honor that. Yes, after spending the last 8 years not having a steady job, I have incurred quite the debt. Mostly because I had to ask around for help from other people. Don’t worry, no licensed moneylenders either. I’ve had one bad experience with a licensed moneylender many years ago, so never again. These loans are mostly from people that are already inside my network. And when I do have a job, things were never steady and at times, I could only make enough to get by. Let’s just say, I don’t have a lot of surplus left after I have to take care of everything important.

And so, the major debt (90% of the iceberg that you can’t see) just sat there for years. While I was able to periodically clear some of it…I feel like it’s only just the tip of the iceberg compared to the whole entire sum. FYI, I have tried to convince myself at various points along the way, that it is possible for me to clear it off, somehow. All I really needed are a few big-scale freelance contracts. I mean, my biggest one (before the recent years [drought]) was already close to S$50K (S$48K to be precise). But one must learn to face the reality, in recent years, those opportunities seemed to have dried up. It sucks truly, but it’s also the reality. As difficult as it may be, I have got to face it head on now.

Feeling Slightly More Spiritual Lately

Something else that’s been happening lately, is that I’ve been feeling somewhat detached from my own faith. I’m not sure how else to describe what I’m feeling. It’s like I could feel my tether with my faith temporarily disconnect. I wake up each morning, praying, even reading the Bible too. And yet, for some reason, I couldn’t feel anything remotely spiritual. It felt more like a temporary act, and then I eventually would carry on with my day. That’s how I’ve been feeling in general in recent weeks (no matter how I might seem to everyone else).

So, in recent days, as the anxiety and concerns begin to pile up, I knew I had to make a decision. I had to act faster this time. Unlike in the past when I would allow my concerns and anxiety to keep piling on until it was too late, I’ve decided that I would stop thinking about those concerns; I would instead just focus on the tasks and things that I can actually do in that very moment. I can only hope to God that even though I’m not feeling anything spiritual right now, that somehow that feeling would come back when the time is right.

So, earlier today, I decided to share that thought on my LinkedIn feed. Even though I couldn’t really feel God with me, I felt that the best thing I can do in the given circumstances is to keep my head down and do what I need to do. And then continue to trust that somehow, by His grace, everything will work out in due season (even if I can’t see Him at work right now).

Taking My Own Advice and Starting Small. Back to the Basics.

Right now, I’m not even thinking about finding some full-scale web or mobile development contract. Having that would certainly be nice. It would be a bonus if something like that comes across my table. But no. I’m not going to continue to sit on my hands and hope for something like that to happen. I’ve been doing that for the last few years and nothing has happened. So, for now, it seems like I’m going back to the basics. I know it may be unfair for the other junior and mid-level freelancers; that someone with 19 years of experience is trying to compete for potential contracts/gigs with them. I’m truly sorry about that, but I’m not sorry to admit that I need to do whatever it takes to earn more income so that I can more quickly work off my mountain of debt.

And so, yeah, I’m hoping to secure some kind of smaller scale aka limited-scope web projects. I mean, at this point, I’ll take anything that pays. Even if it only pays $3,000, or S$5,000. In recent history, as I recall, one of the smaller scale web projects I took on was S$5,000. So, I think this is still within the realm of possibility.

That is also precisely why I have chosen this time to be more authentic about my personal challenges. I didn’t want to pretend that everything is finally okay. Like all my problems and challenges have suddenly disappeared. Life rarely, if ever, works that way. There was only but one moment in my past when things suddenly turned around. It only happened once in 2019. And that was it. I haven’t really experienced something similar since then.

Right now, I feel like what is really in my control, is to focus on doing the work. If you have read some of my most recent posts, you’d know that I’m currently in the midst of building a new portfolio. I’m hoping that it would not only replace the one that I’ve lost, but it would also be something different, something better. So, that is what the showcase projects are all about. It’s just a way for me to demonstrate and show interested parties that it’s not just all talk.

Sharing About My Showcase Projects & the Experiences Crafting Them

When it comes to working on these showcase projects, I’m currently focusing on TWO key activities:

• Building them and making them publicly available (I’ve been storing my projects on GitHub).
• Sharing my experiences on various platforms like DEV Community, Medium, LinkedIn, and BlueSky.

Apart from those two activities, I’ve also chosen to host my showcase web applications on Vercel. I used to support Heroku for many years. Many. But ever since Heroku made it impossible to pay with a debit card, I’ve chosen to find other alternatives. So far, Vercel appears to the most straightforward option, and the platform hasn’t disappointed me yet.

Focusing on What I’ve Done Right [Well]

When I consider my current goals when it comes to freelancing, I’m also being reminded to look back into my own past. Perhaps I also needed a reminder of the things that I had done right before. When I consider the times when I was doing really well for myself (i.e. experiencing breakthroughs and successes along the way), I remembered ONE thing that I did right above everything else: I was always the best when it comes to demonstrating and showing others what I can do. This isn’t just about writing and posting some screenshots and photos on LinkedIn, or on my DEV profile. It is about doing the actual work and then having something at the end to show for it. It’s about completing the work, not just starting one. Everybody can start something. But it is finding the discipline and dedication to see a project through to the end that makes the greatest difference.

In fact, that is something that I can do, perhaps much better than anybody else too.

And that is exactly what you can see me doing right now (as I’m doing it).

Documenting My Journey & Experiences

When I look back over my past, back to when I first started building my very first portfolio (yeah, the one I lost), I realized a mistake that I made then too. I failed to document my own journey and experiences. When I say document, I mean keeping a detailed long of all the challenges I had faced, and the interesting problems I had to solve, and my thought-process on how I went about solving it. By the time I realized the true value of my portfolio during the early-2010s, I’ve already lost many years of potential documentation.

That is why I’ve chosen not to make the same mistake again.

For example, when you visit my FocusFlow GitHub repo, you can find a meticulously crafted README document. It serves as a way for me to document everything that I’ve done, and the challenges that I have encountered along the way, and how I solved it (together in collaboration with the AI tool, Gemini).

But this isn’t just the only form of documentation I’m keeping. Thanks to the availability of different platforms today like LinkedIn, DEV and Medium, I have also been writing stuff on those different platforms. If my past taught me anything meaningful, it’s that we should never just maintain one source of knowledge or history. Maybe I’m just being extra paranoid, but hey, it’s better to be paranoid than to lose everything a second time.

Let’s Discuss!

Are you also a freelancer yourself? Where are you from? How long have you been freelancing? And what has your experience been like where you’re from? I love to read about your stories and journeys. I truly believe that by exchanging our stories and experiences, we can also find comfort and support from one another. Frankly, I think I can use some of that myself right this very moment.

Well, I’m going to go finish up my cup of coffee (which is probably cold by now), and then take a nice cold shower, and then I’m going to continue to work on my current showcase project: AceIt. I’m genuinely excited to finish this one and share it with the rest of you. Unlike FocusFlow though, this one will require more steps and effort, so it’s going to take a while to finish for sure. But what matters though, is that I’m going to finish it.