I wanted to take a moment to publish this private entry tonight before I go to bed. If I have to sum up what this weekend has been like for me, I would say that there are only two items on my list that I want to talk about.
First of all, I want to say that in spite of my current challenges, I do have a lot to be grateful for. So this is not me complaining about my circumstances or situation. I just want to be grateful, while also being real in how I face my circumstances and accepting them for what they are. Because that is the only way we can really deal with them. We can never truly face a situation by lying to ourselves about it. So it has to be with total honesty. And that is what I want to do tonight.
So let’s just dive into whatever has me concerned and worried at the moment. It is actually the hemorrhoid situation. It has been causing plenty of discomfort since Friday. And as a result, I haven’t had the best rest for nearly two days. But somehow by the grace of God, I discovered a way to position my extra cushion when I sleep at night, so maybe tonight I might actually be able to get some better rest.
But that still doesn’t make everything okay. My deepest hope is that God will continue to heal my condition tonight. I am praying and hoping that the hemorrhoid will be totally gone by tomorrow morning. Because if it isn’t gone by tomorrow morning, it would mean that I will have to consider the next step and that is to visit the nearby clinic that treats hemorrhoids. And it is also possible that they would recommend doing a minor op to cut away the hemorrhoid.
The main problem with this idea is that I currently do not own a personal health insurance. And without a health insurance, I won’t be covered for the minor op or medicine. That also means I’m going to need actual money to pay for the medical bill. And Lord knows that right now, I simply don’t have enough money and I have no way to cover the medical bills.
So that is something that I am currently worried about. But I won’t allow myself to worry about something that might happened. In the mean time, I will continue to pray, and I will continue to believe that God can and will heal me tonight. If for some reason I still have to go to the doctor tomorrow evening, I will trust that God will bless me with the funds that I need to pay for the medical bills.
So as much as I like to pretend everything is going well in my life now, I can’t. I don’t want to pretend that everything is fine and everything is okay here and now. Because it isn’t. Not yet anyway.
I am super grateful that I have finally secured a full-time job yesterday morning. I am still deeply deeply grateful for it. But I am still a month away from actually starting work there, so that means it will be another two months before I could receive my first official salary from my new job.
That means that between now and then, I still have to figure out how to get all the funds that I’m going to need to survive.
As you can see, my problems and challenges are not totally over yet. It’s going to be a while before I can tell you guys honestly that things are indeed finally better.
Alright, I plan to get up at 7.20am tomorrow. Let’s hope that by God’s amazing grace and His healing power, I will be fully mended and restored by morning. Amen.
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