Yesterday, our nation celebrated it’s 57th birthday. Yes, it was our National Day celebration yesterday. I’ve never been a fan of large crowds and I honestly don’t like squeezing with others. So usually, on National Day, I prefer to watch the celebrations on TV (even as a kid growing up). The thing about our NDPs is that even if you’re just watching it at home, you’ll still be able to feel that national spirit and pride.
Anyway, that’s not what I want to talk about today. Not really. I do want to say that yesterday was the most recent moment where I actually felt hopeful about my future. I say that because in recent months, I must admit that I haven’t been feeling all that positive-minded. I tried my best to keep positive thoughts for sure. But I haven’t been very consistent with doing that. There were a lot of days when I simply felt…angry, despair, and downright hopeless.
If you must know, this is not by nature who I am.
Where is that naturally positive/hopeful kid?
If there is one thing you should know about me, is that, I have always been this natural positive energy as a kid. I’ve always been what some would say, “happy go lucky”. I am always hopeful, and when I meet people, or find myself in a situation, I would always [by default] look for the positivity in everything and everyone. In fact, I have also met people/students in school who would describe me as someone who naturally brings out the best in them. I suppose you can say that under an ideal circumstance, I would be able to help bring out the best in those around me.
But in recent months, I feel like that part of me is nowhere to be found. I suppose that reveals a lot about what I’m currently facing in my life. I mean, I don’t exactly know how one measures the kinds of challenges that they are facing in their lives (especially when you’re still going through it). But I suppose you could say that there were moments when it felt so overwhelming that it has become really challenging to be positive and hopeful all the time.
Let’s face it, there have been many days when I would get up in the morning and all I want to do is go back to bed and getting up around noon. I just didn’t want to face the world. I dreaded it very much on so many days in recent months.
Finding that Glimmer of Light wherever I can
So that’s where you will find me today. I feel like in the last few months, I’ve been living in a perpetual darkness in my life. I really couldn’t see my way forward. While I might have found this calling and I have this deep passion for STEAM and content creation, I still feel stuck. I have no clue/idea of how (if) there was any way forward. It is that uncertainty that really makes everything so much more challenging. On top of that, I am still struggling to find a job. While I do have hope that I might be able to land a job that would allow me to purposefully apply my skills and gifts, it’s hard to hold on to that hope on some days. Some days I honestly just want to give up.
So here’s the truth about what I’ve been trying to do in the recent months of my life. Every day, whenever I could, I would take a moment while in the shower (morning/night) to practice my deep breathing exercises. Yes, taking those really deep breaths. And then I would center/focus my mind on all the positive thoughts of what it would feel like when I finally land that ideal career/job. I would also focus my mind on what it would feel like to finally pay off all of my debts and have the financial abundance that I’ve always wanted. I would also imagine myself being able to bring my family/parents out for meals every few weekends, just to treat them to a nice meal somewhere.
If anything, I acknowledged the importance of having those positive thoughts and attitude. Especially during a time like this when everything feels so challenging and overwhelming. It’s much easier to stay positive and maintain a positive attitude when times are good. But it’s when you feel like you’re drowning that having faith and keeping a positive attitude matters. I honestly don’t know when those positive thoughts will materialize into reality. I just know that I have to keep thinking them if I want them to become a reality at some point in my life.
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