Lately, I have been thinking about how far I’ve come in terms of finding the balance between being hopeful and being realistic. If you need to know, I am by nature a positive person. But being too positive can sometimes become a bad thing too. Growing up, I’ve always felt the need to see things in a positive light. Not that it’s bad to see things in a positive light, but when I overdo it, I fail to see what is really happening in reality. I would often fail to consider the reality of my situation. I wouldn’t say that I am naive, but I am always hoping that things would be better without acknowledging and accepting what is really happening, or the potential consequences if they might turn out negatively.
It has taken me so many years, but I am finally coming to a place in my life, where I’m starting to get better at finding that balance. If there’s one thing I struggle with, just as much as with my own mental health, is to balance my need to find hope while also trying to face the facts/reality.
Facing Facts
I know. I know. It sounds really simple and straightforward, right? The real challenge comes when the facts and reality of our situation are not ideal/good. It’s not what we have hoped for. it is often in those moments that I begin to struggle with trying to find hope. Facing facts is not something that comes naturally for me. Facing facts can sometimes mean I have to accept that something is wrong with my situation, or in my life. It means needing to admit that I’m responsible for certain things happening to me (or in my life). Facing facts also means I have to deal with whatever shit that’s presently in my life.
So, how do I find hope in a situation where everything looks really negative?
Finding Hope
“I just know that I cannot allow my circumstances to dictate whether or not I should have hope.”
Facing reality is never always easy. It can be really depressing at times. It is in those moments that I really struggle to find hope. What can I do to ensure that I don’t ignore the facts, while also not allowing the facts to make me feel even more depressed/hopeless? God, I wish that I have an answer to that right now because I don’t. I just know that I cannot allow my circumstances to dictate whether or not I should have hope.
I’m trying not to overthink it sometimes. But bad things often happen when I don’t consider the consequences of my thoughts/words/actions. I’ve basically lived it for most of my life. So yeah, in recent years, I have been making a conscious effort to be more thoughtful about my thoughts, words, and actions. I can’t say that I have been very successful with it. I still struggle sometimes. I mean, there’s always a part of me that just wants to say what I think and do something that is driven purely by my own impulses.
This is certainly something new that I have to get used to. Because I’ve spent so many years of my life doing and saying things driven by my impulses, I think it’ll take me some time before I can overcome that and get those impulses under control.
Closing Thoughts
I think I’m going to close off with my final thoughts here. I just had a clash with my mother while I was halfway through this journal entry. Our relationship has never been smooth. Our conflicts have certainly increased in frequency in recent years after I made the decision to follow my passions. I’ve talked about this in some of my previous entries.
Anyway, I also just posted an update on my LinkedIn feed. My hope is that reaching out to those within my network of connections online, it might help to bring in some referrals for my consulting/training gigs. I need to be a little more proactive, I know. But I also admitted to the fact that I never liked self-promotion. I don’t do well with self-promotion. I much prefer relying on the word-of-mouth of those that I’ve worked with before. It’s just better when it’s someone else saying something good about you versus you trying to say something good about yourself. I know how to be confident, just not in that way.
Anyway, it’s been a rough moment for me as I close off this entry today. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day. I’m holding out some hope that my attempt to reach out on LinkedIn will result in something in the coming days/weeks. Lord knows, I really need something to begin with, even if it’s a much smaller gig than what I might be able to bring in at a later time.
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