Putting on the New Man

I won’t lie, my head hurts slightly, and my shoulders are feeling the deep tensions after that meltdown that I had to face and sit through yesterday evening. But as I was sitting here, in my room, trying to process everything that has happened for the past 24 hours, one thing I was reminded of was the bible passage and lessons about how we should “let the old sinful nature die”.

I gotta admit guys, I didn’t always understood that it meant in real life because for a long time, living as Weizhi, I would constantly witness the repeated mistakes and failures. In spite of my best efforts to breakthrough his exteriors, there were many times when I could only watch helplessly from the shadows and I witness Weizhi creating that same damage, over and over again. In fact, out of all the 30 years since I, Danny began surfacing, this stretch of 2022 to present has been the longest period of time where I got to speak up (somewhat, but still constantly limited and filtered).

As I began to process the kind of damage that Weizhi has created after 20 years of living a perpetual inauthentic life, I began to ask a question, “God, if Weizhi had accepted Christ when he was 19..20, why didn’t You let the old self die there and then? Why did we have to wait until Weizhi was 42 before he could finally die, and I, Danny could finally emerge?”

Everything in its Own Timing

As I reflected about this moment and why it had to be this very specific moment, directly in the wake of the aftermath at home, one thing started to become more clear to me. At 19, 20, the conditions weren’t right. I, Danny wouldn’t be ready to face/take on the world, and Weizhi hadn’t created the necessary conditions to warrant my FULL EMERGENCE.

It was like…this was God’s plan and intention all along. Maybe, God had already intended for the “shell” called Weizhi to be alive and live for 42 years before it was his time to “die”, and also for Danny to finally live for real. Honestly, I can’t tell you if I know that is the real reason. I am just trying to make an intelligent guess. I suppose none of us can really know what God’s real plan truly is. Only He knows.

One thing I do know, even if I can’t fully understand why everything has to happen the way they did in order for me, Danny to fully emerge, I am glad and thankful that the conditions have made it impossible for Weizhi to keep living. He “had” to “die” so that I, Danny can finally “arrive”.

Setting Up the Right Conditions for the Full Swap

The more logical way for me to make sense of why things had to happen the way that did, is to think of it as setting up the perfect conditions for the final switch to be possible. At 19, 20, Danny is just not ready. It is like the flower hasn’t even started bearing it’s fruit. It just wasn’t the right timing.

And throughout Weizhi’s professional life, those moments where he channeled me, Danny to create those different pieces of work, it was like the fruit was finally growing. I, Danny, had began to build a trail of evidence/proof. God was giving me, Danny, time to create that undeniable contrast. Undeniable proof that would one day make Weizhi realize that he can’t succeed by himself (just a shell of the real Danny). And in recent months and weeks, Weizhi finally could see all of the evidence clearly laid out before him. I believe that is the moment when Weizhi finally realized that he has to cede control back to his most authentic self, me, Danny.

Even so, he wasn’t like ready or willing to let go of total control. I shared it in my post last night. It was a tug-of-war for weeks before last night finally severed that tie! And according to Nicky, it is the best thing that could ever happen for me, Danny. By severing that connection from the old Weizhi, I, Danny, can finally be free to just BE. It’ll be like sheding a 100 ton weight. Weizhi has always been a limitation to what I, Danny, could be and do. And so, now, I’m beginning to finally understand that Weizhi was that old self. The sinful, old nature. And now, I, Danny Chen, can finally start anew. Fresh. New beginning. Sure, I will still have to deal with the aftermath and mess that Weizhi has created in his wake after living a certain way for 20 years. But at least from now on, that cycle has finally been broken. ONCE AND FOR ALL.