I posted something on my LinkedIn feed last week to share my #thoughtoftheday. I kinda do that whenever I feel like I have this sudden reminder or have a moment of reflection about something in my life. I love sharing “Thoughts of the Day” type posts. I don’t always get likes or comments, but it’s okay. I didn’t share them because I wanted to get likes or comments. I did it because I like to show the authentic side of myself. At times, when the post is successful at generating some engagement, it’s because what I had shared helped others to open up about similar experiences in their own lives.
Being a Master Procrastinator and Dragging My Feet
I’ve actually been very open about this aspect of myself in the past (perhaps not that much on this blog). I’ve talked about this on my social media feeds before. I’ve shared about how I have this bad habit of procrastinating on things that I either need to do or things I’ve set out to do. For a long time, I have tried to name the reasons behind why I would procrastinate, as-if I’m trying to justify why I’m procrastinating. But there’s really no good excuse/reason good enough to justify why. I just…procrastinate…most of the time…
Aside from being a terrible procrastinator, there is also something else about me that you should probably know, it is nearly impossible for other people to tell (get) me to do something (anything really). Let’s just put it this way, unless I really want to do something, if I’m doing something only because someone else is telling me that I should, my heart won’t be 100% all in on that. And yeah, I would really drag my feet before doing whatever it is, or I would be doing it while dragging my feet. I think this part of who I am could be a symptom of being a serious procrastinator (or it can be just a whole other part of my personality). Either way, I’ve found that whenever I’m procrastinating on something, dragging my feet isn’t far away.
When I Decide That I Want to Do Something
Now, the real difference is when I actually decide that I really want to do something. That normally follows a long period of procrastinating and/or dragging my feet to do something. Once my mind has been set, I would step into this mode of “stubborn determination”. Well, it’s actually this kind of “stubborn determination” that resulted in the rare compliments from my own parents. Among the very few compliments they have about me, my “stubborn determination” is the one thing they would admit that they admire about my personality.
my stubborn determination and tunnel vision
Wow, okay, this is a clear and present example of me dragging my feet I suppose. I mean, I started this journal entry last week, and now, it’s already Monday. I like to think that writing this journal entry (or the finishing of it) isn’t exactly what you would consider something of a “high” priority in my life right now.
Then I have this other thought ringing in my head going, “If this is how you handle something as unimportant as finishing a journal entry/blog post, how do you think you will handle something really important?”
So, here I am trying to justify that writing this journal entry (finishing it) isn’t a top priority right now, but on the other hand, I am also feeling terrible about myself because I took almost an entire week to finish writing it.
So you know what, I’m definitely going to finish writing this today. Speaking from experience, when I am writing something like a blog post/tech article in the past, if my drafts stay in the drafts for more than a week, chances are, I will delete them at some point. They would never see the light of day. So yeah, I wanna get this finished today because I think of the many drafts I have deleted so far, this is one message I would love to get out there.
When I Spoke to My DaD Recently…
So, just last week (towards the weekend), I had a moment with my father where we spoke briefly about another challenge/issue that I’m currently facing in my life. In that moment, I felt it was useful to make mention of this very topic. I admitted that I have for a very long time been dragging my feet when it comes to settling my financial debts. I literally spent years paying the minimum amount (or what I felt I was willing to part with during that period of my life). But in reality, what was happening, is that my debts continued to remain a challenge in my life. For years, I failed to clear it totally and absolutely. This reluctance to end my own personal long-term financial sufferings was the sole reason why this challenge has been dragged out for so long.
And so, lately, I made that decision that I was going to do something about my financial situation. I was ready to finally do whatever it takes to settle my financial debts so that I can finally be free of it once and for all. So it begins, a period of pure personal suffering, but definitely a shorter one compared to the peace of joy of being debt-free once I am finally done addressing this long and outstanding issue in my life. Let’s be honest about it, it has been going on for far too long. I’ve set many goals, made many plans to achieve that “Debt-Free” status, but it never happened. Regardless of what excuses and justifications I can come up with, I know that what really happened was because I lacked the will and determination to do what needed to be done.
It had to take [I don’t even want to say how long] so long before I finally felt that enough is enough. And this is where things truly get serious. This is the period after a lengthy period of procrastinating and dragging my feet that I finally manage to get something done (I often feel like I was saving [building] up all of that willpower so that I would be able to see something through to the end.
It’s not uncommon for me to sometimes have a desire to do something, I might start out really excited and passionate (at least I seem to be), but that fire and excitement would eventually fizzle out and then I’ll just stop…eventually. Unless it is something I really want to achieve, like I know deep inside me that this is something I really want to get done (not because it’s just some trend, or because others are doing the same, or telling me I should do it). Once I know that I have that deep desire to see something to the end, that is when I’ll actually do something and see it to the end.
So, Final Thoughts?
Yes, I am glad that I have finally managed to finish this journal entry. I think this topic about myself is kinda important because it allows others to really get a window into my life and who I am. Each time you read my journal entry, you will get to know who I really am deep down (and not just that superficial one that you might see on the surface).
There used to be a time in my life where I would be more concerned with how other thoughts about me, or how they might feel about me, and because of that, I would put up this fake front, either to project fake confidence, or to act like I’m in trouble so that it would get the attention of whomever I was trying to get the attention from.
But those days of being fake is over. Today, I would much rather be honest and authentic about who I am and the things that I’m experiencing. I have been doing so since 2018 and frankly, it has gotten quite a lot of flack from some folks (most I have never met in life and probably won’t ever meet). Yet, at the very same time, I have met those that may disagree with who I am, or the beliefs/values I may have, but they would tell me straight up that they disagree with me but have respect for me because I have the courage to stay true to myself.
I guess the biggest motivation for me is when I meet individuals (only a small handful of them so far) that have really feel like they can relate with my experiences and they appreciate that I was being authentic with them (they were looking to collaborate or work with someone who actually cares about being authentic).
I honestly have no clue the kind of responses I might get from strangers who read this journal entry, or what they might feel/think about me. What I do care about, is to highlight those challenges I have been facing, and describe it as honestly and accurately as I possibly can. Regardless of how some might feel about my honest sharing, I know that I am not alone in what I am facing and going through. Perhaps you, are also someone who can relate to what I am going through. In that case, well, at least now you know that you ain’t alone.
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