Turning 40

So…I turn 40 today.

I guess it’s supposed to mark some…kind…of milestone. But I gotta be honest, it doesn’t feel that way. There are no celebrations this year. No “special dinner” treat or anything like that. It’s just going to be like any other day really. No birthday presents. And that’s okay.

This last decade of my life feels like it was the longest period of my life, yet at the same time, I feel like it has gone by really fast too. Talk about contradicting oneself.

Long because I’ve spent a major portion of my 30s struggling to follow my passions, making lots of personal sacrifices along the way, and facing numerous mistakes and failures along the way.

It felt short because I wished I could’ve accomplished more in my 30s. I had invested so much time into figuring out who I am, what I’m capable of, my direction in life and so on; much of which doesn’t exactly produce anything that is tangible (something you can physically see or touch). These self-investments and achievements are in fact, intangible things. It’s as if, you know you have achieved something, but it’s difficult to show anything for it.

Looking ahead into my 40s…

In my 30s [at 32 to be precise], I’ve made a decision that by the time I am in my 40s, I would be able to look back on my life and not live with any major regrets. Things I wished I had done/tried to do, but didn’t because I was more concerned about fitting in, and seeking the approval of my parents and that fear of what others might say/think.

As I now step into my 40s, I can share that I don’t have those regrets. For the first time in my life, I actually know where I’m heading. I’ve discovered my very own purpose and calling in life. And for the very first time, I have this profound clarity about who I am, and the things that I’m capable of (strengths and weaknesses). #selfawareness

On the bright side, I think my 40s will be the best years of my life. During my 30s, I spoke to many men who were in their 40s and 50s. They had a family, house, job, car, etc. Yet, I discovered that 8 out of 10 of them were feeling “lost”. The best way to describe that experience for them is “mid-life crisis”. Many of them applauded me for my courage to pursue my passions in my 30s despite the societal/cultural/family-related resistance & norms.

My first mentor told me this at that time, “Look on the bright side, by the time you are in your 40s, you will have the courage and passions of your 30s and the wisdom and understanding of your 50s. You’ll be in a much better place than most of your peers.”

I suppose you could say that I’ve experienced my mid-life crisis prematurely. And now, I am finally ready to focus on all that I’m supposed to do with my life, and all that I’m supposed to be.