To be honest, I actually started having the inspiration to create this journal entry just in the last two days. But I didn’t get down to it because all I had was the idea for the topic, but I seriously have no idea where to begin. I mean, how do you condense everything that has happened over 8 years (which I sometimes do tell others, it feels a lot like 20 years) into a single journal entry? I mean, if I seriously want to include every single detail, it can probably fill multiple books. But my goal isn’t to try to rehash everything that has happened, down to the minor details.
Even as I’m typing this initial paragraph, I’m still in the process of gathering my thoughts. The best way I felt I could express myself accurately and genuinely, without turning this into a storybook, is to divide the last few years into a few sections and categorize them by the year(s). My aim is also simple – it’s not just to talk about the successes and breakthroughs, but I also want to talk about my mistakes, failures, and lessons.
2014 ~ 2015 (Taking a Leap of Faith)
I cannot think of a better place to begin sharing about my journey. It started in 2014 when I began to ask myself a very important, yet simple question, “Where do I want to see myself in 10 years?”, “Do I want to look back when I’m 42 and think to myself, ‘what if I had tried to do that?’”
Put simply, I didn’t want to live a life filled with regrets. In fact, by the time I was 32 in 2014, I had already been living with plenty of mistakes and regrets in my life. Before making that decision to pursue my passions in life, I had been spending my life looking for ways to fit in, seek approval from others and, most importantly, please my own parents. What all that means is that I have never ever done something that I really wanted or pursued something that is of my own interest.
So despite knowing how my parents might react to my decision to pursue my passions, I decided to move forward. It was both bold and impulsive. I left my job at that time without much planning or preparation. In hindsight, it’s one of those situations that I now wish I had handled differently. I don’t regret my decision to follow my passions in 2014 because it’s the best thing I have ever done for my life.
Looking back, I wish I had stayed in my job while pursuing my passions on the side. I wished I was less impulsive at that time.
Moving on, what that decision led to were some of the best breakthroughs and milestones in my tech career. Between the time I left my job in 2014, and before Oct 2015, I was awarded the contract to work on a freelance project with UNEP (United Nations Environment Programme). That was the highlight of my career as a freelancer. And then later in 2015, I managed to land my first ever dream job working for Progress as a Senior Pre-sales Engineer and Telerik Evangelist.
2015 ~ 2017 (Early Successes)
Up to that very point in Oct 2015, that was definitely the highlight of my tech career. In 2015, I landed my dream career working for Progress and that led to a new journey of self-discovery and self-awareness for me.
When I look back on my entire time working in Progress between Oct 2015 and Jan 2017, I’ve realized that I was gifted in being a communicator and presenter (communication and presentation skills). This was largely because of the feedbacks I had gathered from those that I have worked with, as well as those I had come across during my speaking engagements all over Asia Pacific. That made me realize that for the first time in my life, I was actually really good at certain things i.e. tech-related public speaking, training opportunities, and content creation.
The thing was, I had been doing a lot of those things long before my employment with Progress began. I enjoyed them and loved them without ever realizing that they were actually a natural gift/talent.
So here’s another truth about me, when I first started coming to terms with the possibility that I had those natural gifts/talents, I actually didn’t believe it was possible. I struggled with that self-doubt for the next few years because all my life, I’ve never been told that I was good at those things. Heck, I’ve always been told that I shouldn’t consider turning my interests and passions into a career option. It’s just a belief my parents had while I was growing up. So that’s what I’ve always been told growing up. Without a chance to pursue my interests and passions, I never really knew how good I could be.
Then between 2015 and 2017, that was the first time I finally realized that I was actually really good at those things I have enjoyed doing for many years prior. I realized that I had a natural gift for communicating with other techies, designers, and even business folks interested in the technology field.
2017 ~ 2018 (When the Unexpected Happens & Feeling Lost)
In the immediate aftermath of the company’s decision to restructure the organization, majority of the local SG staff were retrenched and without any warning, we walked into the office one morning and were told that we no longer have a job.
In the years since, I have had a lot time to reflect on what happened. It took me many years before I finally understood that for a really long time after the retrenchment in 2017, I was just holding on to the feelings of despair and disappointment. Subconsciously at least, I was struggling to let go of what happened. In fact, the period between 2017 and 2018 was the foggiest period of my journey. I mean, I remember trying to step back into freelancing and trying to set up a consultancy business during that period. But everything just didn’t pan out in the end. The best way I can describe that period of my life was, “feeling lost”.
After losing my first dream career in 2017, I had no idea what I would do with myself or my future. It was a really difficult period of time for me. It was also during this period of almost 1 year that I began asking myself the very serious question – “Who am I?”, “Who do I want to be?”, “What do I want to do with my life?”
Oh yeah, clearly, it’s an existential crisis for me.
2018 ~ 2019 (Finding my Calling in Life)
2018 was the first sign that the direction where my life was heading was finally changing course. But it wasn’t immediately clear to me at first. I did have this idea and vision of what I wanted to do with my life, along with an idea of who I wanted to become.
It was in 2018 that I finally decided that educational technology (or EdTech in short) would be my future. That is the clearest self-discovery I’ve managed to make for myself in 2017.
When I thought about all of my passions (ever since I was a child), to my passions and love for content creation during my 20s – it led me onto a path, “How can I combine my passions for STEAM with creating content?”
When 2019 rolled around, I was already going full steam into the STEAM and EduTech industry. I had this plan of wanting to land a full-time job in 2020 (a new year resolution at that time). I was excited and feeling confident because for the past two years, I have been accumulating some recognition and experiences for myself. Plus there were some signs along the way to help me recognize that I was finally on the right path in my life.
2020 ~ Present (Turning my Giving Up to Perseverance)
Well, we all know what happened in 2020 don’t we. Unless ofcourse, you’re living under some rock somewhere. The pandemic pretty much upended a lot of our plans for 2020. My goals and plans to complete that career transition into EdTech were upended, and I had to quickly decide; I could either feel disappointed and complain, or I could choose to adapt. So, I chose to adapt.
When the pandemic started, I decided to fallback on my past working experiences in the tech industry. In hindsight, I know now that at that time, I was so disappointed with what happened; subconsciously, I had given up on my calling. Subconsciously, I had accepted that it was probably unlikely for me to walk in my calling full-time, so maybe the best I can get is to pursue my passions and calling on the weekends. What I mean is, I had plans to find a job that allows me to work Mon – Fri, and then I’ll commit my weekends to STEAM and Content Creation related activities.
The past two years since the pandemic began also made me realize that as a content creator, I was experiencing burnout. In fact, after some reflection, I realized that my burnout actually started in early 2018. Eventhough I had just discovered my “calling” (well, more like an idea of what my calling might be), that temporary motivation wasn’t going to be enough to undo the burnout that I was already starting to experience.
See, when I began pursuing my passions in 2014 after leaving my then job, I had been building up this incredible reserve of creative juice for more than a decade. So when I began pursuing my content creation passion in 2014, it’s like I have a major reserve of fuel to keep me going for the next few years.
But when 2018 came around, it’s kinda like your car’s fuel gauge signaling that it’s almost empty. I guess I didn’t recognize the early warning signs, so I kept on pushing ahead.
The early signs of that burnout in 2018 and 2019 weren’t always very clear, so I didn’t pay much attention to it. In hindsight, I honestly wish I did. It is why in recent months, I have been taking a backseat from social media. Mostly from IG. I have deleted my Facebook account since I hardly use it anymore.
This decision to take a long break from social media was the best decision I could ever make for myself as a content creator.
On the job front, I am happy to say that as of this week, I may have found my next dream career! Yes! And this dream career path is also related to both my past experiences, recognitions, and my calling. I’ve been offered an opportunity to become a UX trainer/educator. Things aren’t finalized yet. But I am pretty much going to say Yes once I hear back from the company.
Landing this career opportunity also means I can finally show some results for everything I have done in the past 8 years. The decision to follow my passions, the personal sacrifices along the way, the mistakes and failures I have encountered, and also all of the breakthroughs and recognitions as a result; have led me to this very moment in my life! I am also really excited because this means that I can say to my naysayers and haters that everything they have been saying to me isn’t true. I have managed to succeed at both pursuing my passions, following my calling, and leading a purpose-driven life!
Final Thoughts
Okay, I know that this journal is long enough as it is. But I do want to end this journal entry by sharing some words of encouragement to those that are either thinking about pursuing their passions or are pursuing their passions right now – do not give up. A lot of people will come to you and tell you that what you are doing is not possible. They may tell you that you’re not good enough. They may tell you that it’s wishful thinking. Whatever they might say, know this – you and only you have to decide whether or not what you are pursuing is going to be a success. I can’t tell you how long it’s going to take for you to reach your goals, dreams, or visions. Everybody’s journey is going to be different, and we will need to be patient with our own journeys. But as long as you’re willing to persevere with grit and determination, nothing can stop you.
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