Hey guys, after everything that has been going in in recent weeks and days, I felt this post might just be exactly what I needed. A reminder that my faith is indeed deeply tied to my own struggles with chronic anxiety disorders. I chose the picture of a futuristic self-driving car mostly for the effect, but it does help me to drive the message home. This is a message about me and how I’m still learning to let go, and let God take hold of the reins of my life. I hated to call myself a control freak, and I most certainly didn’t appreciate the fact that my own mother is a control freak herself. Over the years, I have been training myself to be more flexible, adaptable and understanding so perhaps I am truly making some strides in that department of my life. But let’s face it, I still dislike it when I feel like a situation has way too many variables. Even my newly developed flexibility and understanding has its limits.
Today’s self-reflection also feels a lot like a self-reminder. At some point, I need to learn how to let go. As much as I like to maintain some semblance of control in my life and those situations surrounding my life, I have to realize that I can’t control how everything is going to turn out. The best thing that I can do in the here and now, is to learn to focus on the things that I can still do. It might not be able to change everything, but at least it would change that one thing, or two, or three. And perhaps that alone must be enough.
As for everything else, well, maybe I do need to let go, truly let go.
As I was typing that, I also felt reminded that letting go here doesn’t mean that I’m ignoring those circumstances in my life. It doesn’t mean that I’m neglecting those “responsibilities”. Letting go means accepting that I have done all I can in that situation and that the rest of “whatever happens” is now out of my hands and in God’s hands. He alone will decide what will come out of that situation.
Example: A contact came to me via LinkedIn recently, and he shared with me briefly that he (perhaps whomever he is working for) is looking for someone with my skills. They needed someone to work on a website and mobile app. That’s all I know. Beyond that, he has said that he will brief me with more information over the weekend. Well, that’s last weekend. It’s been a week, and from what I can tell, he hasn’t “read” my WhatsApp messages since. I’ve only sent two, mostly to let him know I respect and understand that he might need more time to put together the necessary information in order to give me a proper briefing. Maybe I’m just trying to convince myself as well. After this morning’s message (not a follow-up, but rather to ask him if he needs anything, and if I can do anything to help), I’m just going to let things be. I’m surrendering it into God’s hands. If I try to send any more messages, it will only make me sound desperate. And in the freelancing world, when you sound desperate, clients know they can undercut you during negotiations. So perhaps it is wise for me to take a step back and focus on something else. I’m going to keep trusting God that if this project is indeed intended for me, then it will happen by His will. If not, then it won’t.
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