If you’re familiar with my posting/writing schedule, you’d probably expect to read something last week. But…(**cricket sounds playing**) nope, I haven’t really been in the right state of mind to share something until today. I’ve been having this thought bouncing around inside my head for days actually, I just didn’t have all the words that I needed to express myself properly. That’s why I haven’t felt the need to post anything until now.
Leaving a Life of “Instant Gratification” Behind
This is one of those things that I don’t really talk about a lot. It’s always there, at the back of my mind. But it’s just not something that would dominate my mind every moment of every day. If you know what I mean. It was probably 2018…2019, that I first made that self-conscious decision to leave a life of “instant gratification” behind.
To know why I made that conscientious decision to stop chasing instant gratification, you need to first know my history. For as far back as I could ever remember, I’ve always had this need to get something instantly. I grew up during an era when technology and PC computers were booming. Things were…how should I describe it? It was almost…”INSTANT”! But it wasn’t just about the material stuff, or the need to have the latest, and coolest gadgets, it was also about the way I lived. My actions, decisions, and how I think about situations, and relationships, and the list goes on. If I felt that something was going to involve more effort, and time investment, I would simply avoid it completely. If it’s a situation where I simply have no control over, I would do my best to avoid it as well.
Simply put, I lacked the will, or the discipline and determination to see a lot of things through. I wasn’t willing to wait for the right moment to say, or do something.
That kind of living and mindset landed me in hot soup so many times in my life I literally stopped counting at one point.
There were Some Exceptions
Yes yes, there was. As much as I was always chasing that instant gratification in my life, there were some moments in my life where I would find myself becoming really dedicated to achieving certain goals. Some instances could span an entire month, year, and in a few cases, a few years of dedication and commitment.
When I look back now and try to write down the times where I experienced some of my proudest achievements, they were because I chose to be dedicated to my goals/desires. You could also say that I can develop a “tunnel vision” when I really want something badly enough. I may occasionally experience setbacks and detours, but I would always find a way to bounce back and get back on track.
As part of those rare moments in my life where I experienced real breakthroughs and successes, it’s also because I accepted that I won’t be able to see immediate/instant results. I was mentally prepared and ready for a long, and possibly arduous process before I can reach the end results.
Finally, just to be totally honest with myself and to you reading this – those times when I experienced those breakthroughs, it was usually because I was doing something I really cared deeply about. Yes, I’m referring to my passions or something that I was deeply interested in during that period of my life. When I care about something that deeply and passionately, I would do everything I can to see it through.
It’s Always Tempting to Fall Back into the Old Ways
During the early months of trying to correct my mindset, I had to rely on daily reminders to focus on the end result that I wanted to achieve, and accept that I won’t be able to see real results in the short-term. I would rely on post-it notes that I stick to the side of my laptop monitor and I would read it every single morning when I switch it on.
Quite honestly, much of what happened in-between felt like a blur now. All I know is that as time went by, it just got easier to think about the long-term results and end goals that I want to achieve. I became less concerned about what might happen in the short-term and more concerned about what would happen in the long-term.
But does that mean that I am more disciplined, more strong-willed, more determined, perhaps more dedicated and committed to my goals? I certainly hope so. But here’s the truth, I still struggle with that temptation every single day.
Today’s Situation Feels Quite Appropriate as an Example
When I think about where I am today, the circumstances that I’m dealing with in my life right now, I think it’s the perfect example of a situation where I’m constantly battling that temptation to say and/or make a decision so that I can quickly find relief for my situation. It would be the easier way out of the situation, versus choosing to be patient, and waiting for the right opportunity, the right moment (whenever, wherever it may come from).
There’s a part of me that kinda knows that waiting for the right career opportunity would be the wisest thing to do. But it also seems like the right thing is to just settle for something less first. Just accept whatever may be available to me now, and worry about it when the right opportunity does come along.
I also have this constant reminder at the back of my mind, “Don’t act rashly/desperately. You do remember the last few times you acted rashly and missed the right opportunity when it became available, right? Do you remember how much you regretted your decisions back then?”.
I really wish I can tell you just how easy it is to make delayed gratification a part of my life. It’s been nearly 5 years since I made that conscious decision to leave a life of “instant gratification” behind. But till now, I feel like I’m being tested still. Probably facing my biggest test of all right now. I’m not really sure just how long more I can really hold out. My “hope/faith tank” is running dry, and I’m still doing my best to be patient.
As of today, 16 April 2023, Sunday, I am officially back to consciously remind myself to focus on the long-term end goal I want to achieve. Not the short-term result. But it’s hard. It’s so hard.
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