Sorry for yet another lengthy journal-title. Something happened today at home that kinda got to me I would say. For those that don’t know, I’m a Singaporean, and yes, I am by race, a Chinese. You might be asking, “How is that relevant to this whole discussion?”
Well, firstly, I think its important to acknowledge where different races, and cultures are concerned, there are certain kinds of beliefs, and expectations that tend to take place that might seem strange to someone that is trying to look at the situation from the outside. But I think it’s generally quite well understood among most Chinese families that our parents share this belief that they know what is best for their children (especially for my generation – Millenials). Now, I cannot assume that that would be the case for every single Singaporean/Chinese family, and certainly, it won’t apply to every single parent. But it is certainly true that my parents are somewhat conservative in certain aspects of their thinking (and beliefs). I think it’s also fair to point out that they are not entirely conservative too. Being Singaporeans, I think we are generally more open-minded than others might assume about traditional Chinese families. But we’re not that open-minded that’s for sure.
Going Against My Parent’s Best Wishes (in particular, my mother)
Between my father and mother, I think I would say that my father is a little less strict in this aspect. I think my dad is slightly more open-minded than my mother, hence maybe slightly more understanding. But he still, for years, disagreed with my decision to follow my passions. My mother on the other hand, well, her rejection of my decision to follow my passions was more intense. Ever since I’ve made that decision to follow my passions in 2014, our relationship have began developing this friction that has only deteriorated over the last couple of years.
I can’t exactly tell you how deep that friction is, all I can say is that it is not good, and I certainly wished that our relationship would be in a much better place than where it is currently. But despite some people around me in recent years telling that I should just stop giving her grieve and that I should just do what is pleasing to my mum; there’s this part of me that really doesn’t want to give in because I know that if I choose to that, I would have to give up on my now – calling. Yeap, after spending 4 years of pursuing my passions, I finally discovered my calling in 2018. And since then I have been trying to pursue that path in my life. But it hasn’t been easy.
I think it is also really important to put everything in context here. As a child growing up, I’ve always been talked about and seen by others as this “good kid”, “good boy”. When I was in secondary school, I remembered being teased by other school and classmates for being a “mummy’s boy”. I think you can pretty much assume why. I had spent most of my life trying to get my parent’s approval. I always wanted to seek out ways to be more pleasing to them. I always thought it was just because I was a middle child (middle-child syndrome). Not sure how much of that applies to my circumstances, but it is certainly the truth that I have never known anything else but trying to get their approval in everything that I am doing (even if it means going against my own desires). Whatever my parents expected of me, I’ll do it.
So you can imagine when I made the decision in 2014 to go against my parent’s wishes, how my mother would react to the decision that I had made.
Despite experiencing several pretty solid breakthroughs in the early years of following my passions, the friction between my mother and I continued; at times, it would result in some pretty nasty confrontations (you know I hate confrontations), and then it would just bounce back to the normal levels of frictions (which is still pretty bad in my view).
Can’t Expect Others to Understand What I’m Going Through
There was a period of time when I was occasionally posting about my journey and the kinds of challenges I had been facing as a result of being on this personal journey. But every single time I would bring up my friction with my mother, I would get a few feedbacks from folks who immediately assume that I was exaggerating what is going on (like they actually know what I am literally going through). I later realized that they only reacted that way because they are basing their feedbacks on their own experiences and observations in their own lives. But that does not necessarily reflect what I’m really going through.
With that, I kinda understood that we cannot expect other people to truly understand what I’m going through. Especially if they have not gone through what I have been going through for the past 8 years of my life. I cannot expect other people to understand as well. Sure, maybe, there might be some people out there who might be able to understand what I am going through right now (they are going through something similar in their own lives), but they are certainly not a majority of the people I encounter on LinkedIn or IG.
Point is, I’ve decided to stop posting about my challenges online because I know that in some ways, I’m pretty much on my own (for now). And until I succeed at following my calling and to continue pursuing my passions, I will reserve posting about all the difficulties and challenges that I am going through. It’s always much easier to provide advice after we have overcome a challenge than when we’re still going through one.
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