Oh yeah, I think there’s absolutely no doubts in my mind that this morning, in fact, this entire period of my life can be categorized as the most challenging days of my entire journey so far. I mean, it’s not like I haven’t been here before. I mean, I’ve certainly experienced something similar in the past. But what really made it so challenging this time is because of me falling sick in recent days.
Where I’m from, having the common cold is something that’s pretty common and I’m sure, every single person would’ve experienced the common cold at least once a year. The only exception would be during the first few years of the pandemic when we all stayed mostly at home. With little to no outside interaction, I remember that I never gotten sick for nearly 2…3 years. No flu. No common cold either. I mean, in a way, that was actually nice. While I can never speak for other people, personally though, I’ve always had a personal hate against having flu or cold. As someone with a sinusitis condition, having a common cold or flu only makes it even more unbearable on certain days. It’s also probably the reason why when I do get the flu in the past, it would usually knock me on my back. I would have to visit the doctor, and I would need to stay in bed for at least a day or two before I could find my strength back.
When I was still home this morning, sitting in my room and eating breakfast, I was considering the urge to visit the nearby clinic, and telling my mother that I’ll be taking an MC like I’m actually going to need one. But the reality is that I don’t have a job right now. And with the funds that I have in my wallet right now, seeing a doctor at a clinic would mean that I have to spend roughly $40+ alone. That usually includes the consultation fees, medications and GST tax. So, not that cheap.
I was faced with an uncomfortable choice, do I want to go to the clinic (it’s clearly the easier and more convenient choice), or do I want to self-medicate (less convenient, but I will get to spend less money). I knew what choice my old self would’ve chosen. The old Sherman would’ve chosen to go to the clinic.
But that isn’t what I chose to do today.
Yeap, I’ve decided to self-medicate this time. Honestly, of all the times that I’ve been down with a cold or flu, this would be the first time that I’ve decided on my own, that I would self-medicate rather than see a doctor. You know what, I think that took a lot of strength, and a lot of will power on my part.
When I first got to the library this morning, I had to sit down for a moment, shut my eyes and rest because it was so tiring just to make it to the library today. I needed a moment to gathering my strength and energy before I could make my way to the nearby shops to get what I needed. I’ve always liked the Panadol Hot Remedy because mixing it in hot water would always help to clear up my sinuses. I’ll be due for another cup in maybe 4 hours.
Oh yeah, I went to the bakery cafe on level one and I ordered a cup of hot water from them. It costs 50 cents. I did buy 2 pack of tissues this morning at a local coffeeshop (60 cents), and then I bought another pack of Sea Coconut Lozenges (S$1). Let’s just say that I was desperate for some relief so I bought it while I was on my way to the library. Oh right, the bus ride over cost me S$1.90 this morning. It is always better to use the Ezlink card. It would’ve been just S$0.99 per ride.
In total, this morning I have managed to spend S$18.50 (I still have some spare coins left in my pouch). Leaving me with exactly $82 in my wallet right now. I do intend to purchase some wet tissues from Watson’s later today. They always have them on offer anyway. I thought about getting this medication called, “Delcogen”. It has always been the most effective form of medication for me in the past. Whenever I am down with flu or cold and I need something that is non-drowsy, I would usually get Delcogen. But I am not quite sure how much it would cost today. So I’m going to weigh the costs later.
(Updated) You know how I knew that this experience with the common cold was really bad?? Last night when I was in the shower, I had a chance to clear my nose. When I tried to do that, a rather sizable piece of semi-dried mucus came out, and I could clearly see that there was some dried blood in it too. When I continued to clear my nose, more bloody mucus came out of my right nostril (usually the side that gets stuffy when I’m having a sinusitis episode). The same thing happened this morning when I tried to clear my nose in the shower again. Except it wasn’t as much as last night’s.
Of all the times that I’ve ever had a flu or the common cold, it has never been this bad. I’ve never had blood coming out of my nose before. The worse was to see slightly greenish-yellow mucus. That used to be the worse kind. So seeing some blood last night was a bit of a shocker and surprise for me.
When I thought about my decision today, making the choice between what was obviously convenient versus a choice that would put me in a very uncomfortable position, it made me realized that I am a much stronger person today than I was before. In this very moment, I was reminded of the quote by Bob Marley about how, “you never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice.”
I mean, I honestly could’ve chosen the easy way out this morning. The much easier choice would’ve been to go to the nearby clinic, pay S$40+ and then stay at home for the rest of the day. Maybe, if I had more than enough money to spend, I probably wouldn’t have to think so much. But it is because of how little I have right now that I think it’s important I’ve decided to self-medicate instead.
I really have no idea how effective or productive I can be today. I’m definitely not feeling 100% today. And it’s probably even lesser if I’m being totally blunt with myself. It’s more likely that I’m going to need to take the occasional breaks today, rest and gather my energy before I continue with the rest of my day.
P.S. I took a brief moment earlier and I tried to lay hand on my wallet. It’s just this thing that us Christians do sometimes. I’m no longer that religious, so if I’m doing this, you know the situation is desperate enough for me to do it. I mean, I’ll try just about anything. I laid my hands on my wallet and I prayed that God would bless what little I have. I asked Him to multiply the S$82 in my wallet and turn it into S$8200. Yeah, I’m thinking about the story of the “Five loaves and two fishes”.
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