I have recently been trying to find my faith. I’m not quite sure if that makes any kind of sense. While it ain’t exactly true to say that I’ve lost some of my faith in God along the way, it’s actually more true that I’ve been struggling with it. I can’t speak for anybody else, so I’ll speak for myself. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always struggled with the need to have faith versus accepting/facing the reality of the situations I find myself in.
I can’t remember where exactly I read it (or who said it), but the words go like this, “It’s okay to have doubts. How can someone have faith if they don’t have any doubts? Real faith is about having hope even in the face of doubts.”
Those might not be the exact words, but I did remember it going something like that. But I have also in recent years learned the importance of being grounded. It’s always good to have hope and faith in dire situations. But we cannot lose sight of the reality of my circumstances. Once we lose sight of our reality, it can be very easy to make a lot of bad decisions.
Making Decisions: Choosing Between Faith and Reality
This also leads me to something that I want to talk about – making decisions. When (or how) does one decide (either by following their faith or by facing reality)? If it was you in a difficult/challenging situation, how would you make that decision? Which side would you fall on? Love to read about your thoughts in the comments.
I must admit that I’m still not very good at this. I might have been a Christian/believer for many years, but I still struggle man. I must admit that I’ve experienced plenty of mistakes in my life whereby I thought I acted in faith, but the end results were terrible. Things literally fell apart for me after making those decisions. Thanks to many of those lessons, they’ve taught me the importance of being realistic. In some ways, I think I’ve realized that I can’t always make decisions based on hope alone.
On the flip side though, I can recount a number of times in my past when I was feeling so desperate in a situation, I reacted and acted in the moment. I suppose you could say that my reality was pressuring me into making a decision, and so I acted on it. The problem with those situations is that later on, when the situation has settled (in the short-term), a better opportunity came along and I regretted that I didn’t hold on long enough. It’s one of those moments where I wished I had a little more faith (hope).
Where I Am Today
So, this is where I find myself today. I’m facing a situation in my life where I’m thinking, “Should I be making a decision based on the current reality of my situation? Or should I hold on to the hope that things will eventually work out according to God’s plans and timing?”
Either way, I am facing the challenges of my current situation. It’s not something I can turn a blind eye to. Recently, I’ve started thinking about my potential place (and value) in the industry as a whole. I wrote about it in “Finding My Place as an Experience Architect/Engineer”. In that entry, I shared how I’ve come to see myself as a professional, as well as the value that I could bring to wherever I might land (assuming that I do land something (or somewhere).
You know, sometimes I do think that there’s both a positive as well as negative side to having a heightened self-awareness of who we are, our strengths and weaknesses, as well as knowing who we want to be (and who we can be). When you begin to really understand yourself, who you are, and what you’re really after, it becomes much harder to ignore it (or be ignorant about it). [Sorry, I had intended to finish writing this entry yesterday, but I got distracted.]
Thinking back over the last decade or so, I realized that during the times when I wasn’t too sure of myself, I was more willing to do and try anything. It’s why I considered my 30s as a self-discovery phase of my life. I was trying to figure out who I am, what I’m good at, and who I can become. When I first started this journey at 32, I actually had no clue who I am, or who I wanted to be. 8 years into the future, I can share with a fair amount of certainty that my direction, for now, is at least clear.
I know what I’m supposed to do, and who I need/want to be. And yet, somehow I still struggle with that every day. In recent days, I have been thinking a lot about the difference between knowing something, versus living it out on a daily basis. It’s also kinda like having hope and faith. Hope is something you feel, but faith is about acting on that hope. It’s actually much easier to have hope than it is to have faith.
As I try to end this journal entry, I am still thinking about my current situation. How much longer would I be willing to endure in order to hold on to that hope, and have faith that the path I’m currently on is the right one? I am honestly worried that when push comes to shove, I might cave into the sense of desperation, and I would succumb to the temptations and just settle for something more immediate (being fully aware that what might address my immediate needs may also end up impeding my long-term goals/mission).
(I’m truly curious about what you think after reading this journal entry. Have you been in a similar position before? How did you manage between having hope while also dealing with the realities of your circumstances? Please share your experiences with me in the comments section.)
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