Hey guys, sorry for being away for quite some time. I needed the time to work on myself rather than talk about it. And that required some serious commitment. This is something that my old self has avoided for the longest time. The idea of “being still” and “sitting with the discomfort” always felt less like work and more like something unproductive. But what I’ve come to learn in recent weeks is that this action of “being still” and facing those buried issues head-on is some of the hardest work there is. The reason why so many people struggle with real change/transformation is because it’s always uncomfortable to sit with the ugliest side of our past. For the past few weeks, I have been learning to own those parts of my past. It’s ugly and sometimes I can still feel the old familiar thoughts and emotions. That part that wants to avoid/escape the work of facing and dealing with those old issues.
Experiencing a Relapse of the Old Ways
In the past two weeks or so, I have been experiencing a relapse of the old ways. It didn’t start off like a full-blown losing of control. It felt like signs that began resurfacing. For days, I could feel this old “autopilot” mode trying to slip back into my life. That desire to want to avoid/escape the challenges & issues that we needed to face head-on. See, in the past, when living behind a shell, the natural reaction to 99% of the circumstances in life was always one of avoidance/escapism. It is why we are facing so much “mental/emotional debt” today. Many of those issues had been buried so deep that we had forgotten many of the triggers.
So, when we began this journey of personal & professional transformation, we always knew that at some point, we will be triggered again, and we might react or feel a certain way without realizing it. For us, this will be a journey of learning and rediscovering what those triggers are. By identifying those triggers, we will be in a better place to mitigate against future reactions.
Our most recent relapse came from this trigger: “External Pressure and Expectations”
For the past two weeks or so, it started by taking control of parts of our day/actions/activities. And then by last Friday, that’s when the episode fully kicked into gear. It was only this morning that we finally realized what had happened. And now, we’re actively working to put in place certain measures that would help us to better prepare and prevent this episode from happening again.
Rejecting the Familiar
One thing that we are adamant is to ensure that we do not allow ourselves to fall back into whatever feels most familiar (old ways). After living a certain way for 20 plus years, let’s just say that the old ways have become easier and more familiar than choosing to do things differently for the first time. The familiar old ways often tend to sound like we’re doing the right thing in that very instant, but in hindsight though, most of those actions and decisions that appeared to be “right” in that moment turns out to be some of the worst decisions I have ever made. They are some of my biggest regrets. So, I learned the lesson, “right” doesn’t always mean “wise”. And so, even though these external pressures and expectations have been pushing me to act a certain way, I’ve been doing all I can to reject them. I am constantly reminding myself that doing what appears to be right in this moment could result in any form of regret later on.
Most of my current actions may even seem “wrong” to some people. 99% of people may even argue that I am not doing the right things right now. But I think if they understood the context fully, they will know that I care more about my future and where I want to be a year, two years from now, versus seeking out immediate relief from our current circumstances and challenges. I called it, “running for the hills.”
Choosing to Stand Our Ground
I think the biggest difference between what is New about who we are versus what is Old, is that we are making the choice now to stand our ground. We’re not trying to post about our experiences online, and we’re not “running for the hills” either. It is about learning to face these challenges head-on while also actively choosing to act and behave a certain way (even when our new actions don’t agree with what feels familiar). Choosing to stand our ground now also means facing and dealing with thoughts and emotions that were either deeply buried (resurfacing via specific triggers), or that that occur on a daily basis. Standing our ground meant not brushing those thoughts and emotions aside like we used to. Standing our ground today means ensuring that we aren’t adding to our “mental/emotional debt”, no matter how uncomfortable it feels.
Danny's 
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