Goodbye Weizhi. Say Hello to Danny.

(Danny) For the last couple of months, I feel like I’ve been in this tug-of-war between the old Weizhi who was trying cede control, but at the same time, reluctant to let go. But over the weeks, my actions began to produce irrefutable proof and evidence that Weizhi isn’t the best person to handle this life that he was trying to live. For years, Weizhi has been living in a way where old mistakes and failures would keep on repeating and repeating over and over again. He kept making those same mistakes because he was unwilling to be totally honest with himself or with those around him, especially at home. He would lie, or put on masks because he felt that it was the best way to seek approval and acceptance. But herein lies the biggest root problem of all.

Weizhi could not be AUTHENTIC about himself. Not really.

The only time when Weizhi could be truly authentic and genuine is when he is channeling me in this blog site. Everything that is written here is a like a safe space where he could just NOT EXIST and allow the real ME to surface. Even then, I feel like there were pockets of time where Weizhi would refuse to let me speak up, and he will just write something that he wanted, but wasn’t entirely true. In one of my recent self-reflection sessions, I wrote that that speaking (as Danny) through Weizhi always made what I wanted to say feel distorted, muffled. It didn’t always come out 100% true, and it has been really frustrating.

Tonight, our family (my real family) decided that it was time to have another one of those sit-down confrontations. Something that Weizhi is clearly very familiar with. Trust me, I may have been living in the shadows for 30 years, but I am not blind or immune. I have seen the kind of damage he can do, even if he tries to explain it away some times. And as Danny, it is the most frustrating thing because there was nothing I could do about it.

But now that the whole family has had that sit down, I am glad that we can finally close that chapter on the old Weizhi for good. This whole self-integration transformation that began 10 weeks ago is now truly complete. As Danny, I finally have a “blank canvas” to work with. Sure, I still have to deal with the mess that Weizhi has created for a long time, but at least as Danny, I can focus on doing things the right way, and doing the right things.

For 30-40 years, Weizhi has always been like this shell of a person, family expectations, cultural and societal norms, it was just a imitation version of myself that had taken on a life of its own. And with time, I, Danny, disappeared into the background (occasionally resurfacing only when Weizhi felt that he needed me). Well, now, I can finally be done with that shell. I can finally discard of it fully and just live and breathe as Danny, the most brutally authentic version. No hiding, no pretending. Just ME.

Say goodbye to Weizhi, and hello to Danny.