Today, I’ve officially cleared that final major checkpoint on my Satori PageBuilder freelance project. Moments ago, I just finished thoroughly testing the GlideBar (self-named formatting bar) as well as the live preview of the formatting itself. Here’s the most interesting thing about what I’m currently experiencing. There are no major congratulations, or confetti. No one besides me actually knows that I have cleared this final milestone. It’s really just me, my thoughts and that blinking cursor knowing that I finally done my best work in nearly 20 years as a freelancer.

Here’s the staging site, if anybody is interested to try it and playing around with the PageBuilder. I love to get your feedback and thoughts on it. Honestly, I think this is probably one of the best places to find users who can test it and also gather feedback on how to improve it and make it better. And yes, this is only version 1.0, so I already included a roadmap of all the improvements that I plan to add to it for the next 1 year at least.

Embracing My Conflicting Emotions

I want to be absolutely and totally authentic about how I am feeling right this very moment. I’m currently nursing a slightly relieved sinusitis flare up, and I was starting to experience a slightly migraine this morning. All signs that are pointing to my recent emotional and psychological exhaustion. This has happened before in the past. It is true that when our minds are off-balance, they can have an effect on our physical health as well. I’m pulling out all of the stops to ensure that I don’t fall off the cliff (getting really sick) by getting a pack of Vick VapoDrops (Xtra Strong), and then I bought a pack of sinus max panadol medication during lunch break earlier. Yes, I also bought that small bottled YOU C1000 drink to help boost my current immune system.

When I woke up this morning, I was feeling really exhausted. I had no clue how I was going to make it through my day. In fact while I was working at the library today, I also had to take multiple breaks to nap just so that the migraine would pass and I could continue working.

As of right now, my sinus is still affecting me, but it is better than it was this morning.

See, I know that I’ve just closed a major milestone on my first freelance project since returning to the industry. This is supposed to be a really great first victory! But mentally, I feel a little meh…about it. Yes, I wished this victory could feel more exciting, but honestly, I much rather enjoy this one quietly guys (for this round). So, as you can see, my emotions today have been quite conflicting. But I’ve learned to accept that it is okay for me to feel this way. Since I am genuinely exhausted, there no need for me to pretend otherwise. It doesn’t make me any less grateful or appreciative of this freelance opportunity, it is just how I really feel right now.

Taking the Win [Quietly]

So, this is where I really want to end my update for today. As much as I’m experiencing this mixture of emotions today, I am choosing to accept this personal win. It might not feel like a major project closure type of win, but it is still a win nonetheless.

As I am sitting here, sharing this update with you, I am also officially telling myself that I’ve earned the right not to do anymore work for the rest of today. I’m going to give myself a well-earned break. I’m going to continue writing my private diary entry, and then I will do whatever the heck I want to do with my time.

Come tomorrow, I will continue to work on the PageBuilder. There are still things that can be done to further enhance the overall UX. I’m talking about micro-interactions, subtle stuff that may not be totally obvious, but can make the user’s experience better. Plus, I also want to continue touching up those detailed technical documentations/JSDocs, so that the dev team on the client side can have everything that they need when the integration begins on the 15^th July.

For now, I really don’t wish to stress about my next project, or where that work might come up. Until something is finalized and confirmed with upfront payment, I prefer not to get excited about it. I will continue to remain cautiously optimistic/hopeful. That is really the best that I can do under the circumstances. I have been disappointed and let down way too many times.

Alright, time for me to sign off. Hope y’all are having a better day than I am. If not, well, here’s some moral support and encouragement for ya!

“Sometimes, the victories that matter most are the ones that don’t make a sound. No one throws you a party. There’s no champagne or confetti. It’s just you, the work you’ve finished, and a little surge of pride that whispers, ‘You did it!’”