Hey guys, I’m not hiding it, I’m currently out, at a mall. With everything that’s been going on in my life lately, I truly can’t remember what it felt like to be out like this. The last time that I was out, felt like it was some time ago. Anyway, I finally got out of the house today because I realized that I was about to experience a major mental breakdown. With all the stress and pressures of being a sole provider of the household, let’s just say that I haven’t had much time to think about myself [or my own well-being]. Quite frankly, I think the proper terminology is to say, “I’m all about my family now”.

Anyway, recognizing the signs of an oncoming breakdown, I knew that I have to set aside some personal time for myself. A chance to break from everything else that has been stressing me out lately. To be fair, I was quite reluctant to go out because going out usually means that I have to spend money. And with all the financial challenges and difficulties right now, it just doesn’t seem like the right time to be spending on myself (you know what I mean?).

Yet, on the other hand, I also know from plenty of past experiences (dealing with my chronic anxiety disorder), that when I fail to take care of my own mental health, the nervous/mental breakdown can have a more permanent damage to everything else that’s going on in my life right now. For that, that would be my freelance work. If I were to experience a mental breakdown now, it can seriously damage my ability to continue working on the project and ultimately ruin my credibility/reputation with the client. Most importantly, I know from the client that there is a confirmation on the promise of more work in the future (as long as I do really well on the current one).

That in mind, I knew taking this quality personal time isn’t just necessary, it is important. I do hate that I have to spend roughly $40.00 in total today just to give myself a good break from everything, but I like to think that maybe this is also a sign from God that I need to rest. I need to give myself a chance to take a breathe while I continue to place my trust in Him. This might be a moment of realizing that I cannot keep relying upon my own strength and understanding to manage my new responsibilities as a sole bread winner of the household. This is perhaps my chance to take a step back, and then surrendering control over to Him. I’m not sure if it makes any sense. Does it make sense?

Karate Kid: Legends (At the Movies)

Man, aren’t weekend movie tickets crazy! It’s S$15.00 now. I miss those days when movie tickets were only S$10 on the weekends. 😅 Anyway, I decided that I wanted to watch Karate Kids: Legends because Jackie Chan is in it ofcourse! And ofcourse those growing up in the 80s and 90s will know Ralph Macchio. We grew up with him. And ofcourse Sensi Miyagi! What more reason do you need to go catch a movie like that. Plus, I think this movie might provide that feel good vibe to it. It’s definitely something that I need right now, mentally speaking.

Assorted Sushi Platter for Dinner

As for dinner later, I’m thinking of visiting the supermarket in the level below. They have this sushi corner where you can buy these prepackaged sushi platters. It’s the most affordable way to enjoy some sushi without really breaking the bank. I think the last time I was here and had something similar, the platter itself costs around S$13.++. I have a feeling the price might’ve increased since then. Well, it wasn’t too long ago, but still, inflation has been crazy in recent years and months. Anyway, that’s basically my plan for how I want to spend my evening today.

Glad the platter is on offer today, S$2 cheaper than the original price of S$13.80 (it’s been covered over, I think it’s correct, but either way, glad it’s cheaper).

Going the Longer Distance (Self-Motivation)

It’s not quite what I had in mind, but I couldn’t find something that matches up to my current thoughts. But I suppose this quote will do just fine. When I think about everything that’s been happening in my life, the growing responsibilities and stress of stepping up at home, and my own situation and challenges that I have to face and overcome, trust me, it can feel extremely overwhelming. When I mentioned earlier that I’ve been noticing the early signs of a mental breakdown, that is usually when I start to feel like I’m drowning and I couldn’t keep myself up above water. In all my years of seeking professional help, this is perhaps the most valuable lesson of all, seeing the early warning signs so that I can quickly course correct, or do something to stop it from happening altogether.

As I sit here, finishing up this post about my mental health and taking a break, I’m also trying to remind myself that this is necessary for me to go the longer distance. In much the same way as trying to run a marathon (if you have ever tried to run one, I know I did), when you start to think that you can’t make it, or that you can’t maintain the pacing, it’s okay to slow down, maybe even give yourself a break. I think the one thing I have to prevent at all costs, is giving up, or quitting. Something as bad as a full mental breakdown will have pretty much the same effect as quitting. I’ll end up in a state where I’m unable to function normally. Trust me, that would be infinitely bad compared to what I’m experiencing right now.

Anyway, hope you guys have a blessed weekend yourself. If you’re also going through some kind of struggles in your personal life, please know that you are not alone. I look forward to the day that we can overcome all of our challenges and struggles together. And we can finally say to ourselves, “I’ve made it. I’ve survived!”