Lately, I have been frozen in place by my own anxieties. For more than a week, I wasn’t doing anything productive or useful, just spent majority of my time watching TV shows and movies and wasting precious time away. For months, despite doing what I can, I had hoped that my circumstances would’ve improved by now, but for some reason, I am still struggling. Why am I still struggling?

I’ve thought about shortchanging myself and accepting whatever offers come my way, and yet I am constantly reminded that it is precisely because of my own rash actions in the past that led to some of my greatest regrets.  In my moments of desperation, I ended up compromising and regretting my actions later.

As of now, I feel like I’m doing all I can to resist the urge to compromise. To hang on to my character and integrity.  But is this pride or is this integrity? Part of me think I should be grateful and accept whatever work opportunity becomes available to me. Frankly, if a work opportunity comes up, I think there’s a very high chance I would say yes, no matter how much I’m being offered for it. You know, get to work first, and then continue looking for something better.

Part of my recent struggle with anxiety is also because of a reminder of some recent regrets. Just some things I wished I had done differently, handled certain situations more wisely. I had to constantly remind myself that there’s nothing I can do now that will change the past. All I can do is remind myself of the lessons that I’ve learned and make sure that I don’t make those same mistakes again.

Right now, all I can hope for and pray for, is that God will deliver me from my challenges. That He would touch my life, and help me to turn the whole situation around. I probably don’t deserve it, but I am also reminded that whenever God did something miraculous in my life, He never did it because I deserve it, or earned it. He does it because of His love for me. I’ve chosen to hold onto that in this very moment. Trusting that no matter how bad the situation is, He has already made a way for me.