¹² Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. ¹³ Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, ¹⁴ I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-14 [NKJV]

I suppose we are going to take a quick break away from the current discussion of Signs and Wonders. But if you are just joining this series of My Daily Bread entries for the first time, I would encourage you to go back and read them if that is something that you are interested in.

But for today, I feel like, perhaps God is trying to speak to my about a recent setback that I had experienced. The most recent in a very long line of setbacks that I have been experiencing for the last few years. And as of yesterday night, I have been feeling really tired and exhausted. I feel like I’ve reached the very ends of my endurance. And especially in recent days/weeks, there has been this inner voice that has been trying to convince me that I really should recognize the signs and call it quits.

Yet, I have been doing all that I can to ignore and reject that voice that’s been telling me that it is time for me to throw in the towel.

This isn’t the First Time I Came Close to Giving UP

When we look back on my entire journey for the past 8, maybe 9 years (since Sep 2014), I could remember the number of times when I came so close to quitting. To giving up on my goals/pursuit. I came so close to throwing in the towel because I really couldn’t see a way forward. As much as I have been trying to be positive-minded, the reality feels like it’s right in my face, screaming at me. The temptation/urge to call it quits was so tempting each time that I came close to giving up too.

So no, this isn’t the very first time that I’m experiencing something like this. But one thing is certain, with each time, the preceding challenges were much bigger and more intense. So yeah, it is definitely requiring a lot from me to resist that urge to quit.

A Reminder of All My Personal Breakthroughs and Miracles

And here is where I am at right here and now. As I am typing today’s daily bread entry, I once again feel reminded by God about each one of those previous breakthroughs that I had experienced in the past years. Is it strange that in every single one of those personal breakthroughs, I actually experienced them in the immediate moments after I came really really close to calling it quits? It is usually within days, or a week or two of me finally wanting to quit that God would somehow bring about a new job opportunity, a freelance gig, or something miraculous like the meeting of my previous benefactors.

So it would not be strange for me to say this, if I had not encountered those breakthroughs when I did, I could very well had given up on my goals. I would not still be trying today if those breakthroughs hadn’t happened when they did.

So yes, guys, as close as I’ve come to wanting to call it quits yesterday, today, I’ve decided that it’s not time for me to give up just yet. Like in the passage above, the word “perfected” also means “completion”. And when I think about everything that I’ve been working towards for the past 8-9 years of my life, I actually haven’t reached my ultimate goal. So no, my work isn’t complete yet. So, it is clearly not the time for me to walk away yet.

And as bad as the past two years has been, like the passage, I am going to forget the things which are behind, and I am going to keep reaching forward to those things that are ahead. I know that I’m going to need every ounce of strength from God in order to keep pushing ahead.

As I finally end today’s daily bread reflections, I am also reminded of Philippians 4:13, which reminds us that we can rely upon Jesus Christ for the strength and courage that is needed to face whatever obstacles and challenges that may still be ahead of us. This is especially timely for me considering that I’m fully exhausted and I have been running on fumes for so many months. I’m like this car that is overheating in the middle desert highway, and the car is starting to breakdown. At this very point, I’m going to need His miraculous strength to help me to keep going.

Philippians 4:19 also then reminds me that whatever that I need, Heaven will provide me with it. And in this case, I believe that that is strength and courage to keep facing whatever that may be ahead of me in this unknown and uncertainty.

Personal Prayer for Today

Dear Father,

Thank You for hearing my cries yesterday. Thank You for acknowledging my recent challenges and sufferings.

I know how close I had come to calling it quits yet again. I’ve already stopped counting the number of times that I’ve come really close to giving up on this journey for the past 8-9 years. But what You have reminded me today isn’t about the number of times I came close to quitting, but the number of times that I’ve experienced a significant breakthrough just as I was close to quitting.

So thank You for reminding me that I should not give up. Because even if I can’t see it yet, I could very close to my next breakthrough. The same way as in the past experiences.

Thank You for also reminding me that my work isn’t finished. It isn’t complete yet. In the grand scheme of my this mission, this path that You have given to me, I am still not there yet. So, I am making a decision today not to give up. Not to throw in the towel even though I am feeling really exhausted and running on fumes.

I know that it is in moments such as this that I can rely upon Jesus for the strength and courage that I’ll need to face the uncertainty that is ahead. And I trust that You will provide me with everything that I need to keep persevering.

I vow to give You all of the praise and glory.

In Jesus’ name that I pray.

Amen.