²⁰ “You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”

Matthew 17:20 [NLT]

So yes, I did end up skipping my daily devotions yesterday. To be honest, I was feeling lazy. I felt like with everything that is going on right now, it’s just a little too much for me. So yeah, I suppose I found myself an excuse yesterday and I decided that I could use a little break from everything. But with the way that everything is right now, I know that I cannot allow myself to make more excuses. It is such excuses that first led me astray from the path to begin with. From there, I would begin to rely upon myself, trying to live my life on my own terms. We can all see how that has turned out for me, right? I can’t afford to have another repeat of what has happened over the last few years.

Having Very Little Faith, Much Less Hope Right Now

The above statement is 100% true. It is exactly what I’ve been feeling for the past few months of my life. With the endless difficulties and challenges that I’ve been trying to face and overcome on my own, both my hope and faith has been depleted. I suppose there’s still a few drops of hope left in my tank after all this, but it’s barely enough to keep me going if I’m being totally honest with myself. Before my recent decision to re-commit my life to God, I was living almost like a zombie, just trying to go through the motions of everyday life, but not really making any progress, or going anywhere. So yeah, in many ways, I was basically stuck in place.

Now, even though I may have just started my re-commitment to my faith in God, I am nowhere near where I want to be, spiritually speaking. As of this very moment, the levels of my hope is still really low. And honestly, so is my level of faith. I could try to pretend that I am feeling hopeful, or say all the right words to make it sound like I have a lot of faith right now, but God knows that I’m only pretending, faking it. And it won’t be genuine or real.

In fact, for a while now, I’ve been wondering and thinking that maybe it’s a big problem that I’m having so little hope and faith. Because of how little faith I have, maybe it’s the problem.

As I was reading the study notes from Matthew 17:17-20 this morning, I realized that God wasn’t in fact trying to rebuke his disciples for not having enough faith. He is only merely trying to tell them a fact that they have very little faith. And because they lacked the faith, they should’ve relied upon God, and not upon their own abilities/strength. I love how the study notes put it, “There is great potential in even a little faith when we trust in God’s power to act.”

As I was doing my morning walk (commute) today, I took the time to pray, and to ask God what He was trying to tell me about myself and my current situation. And then I realized that God is also trying to tell me that it’s okay that I only have very little faith right now. He is reminding me that I don’t need to have a lot of faith in Him in order to produce some kind of faith-driven results.

In fact, I was reminded that it is always much easier for us to have faith and to be hopeful during better/easier times in our lives. When we have nothing challenging our faith in God, it is always easier to believe in better things for our lives. But it is only during times when our hope and faith in God has been challenged that it really reveals whether or not we can still put our faith and hope in God, no matter how little of it.

As I end my reflection here, I am reminded to now rely on my own strength right now. Now is the time for me to look to Jesus. This is the time to rely upon Him for His strength, and that through Him I may find whatever hope and faith that I need.

Personal Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father,

I come before you this morning, humbled because I know that I have been relying upon myself for so long that it’s now a journey/process of learning to rely upon You again.

Thank You for speaking to me again through Your word today. Thank You for showing me that it is okay to have very little faith or hope, and having very little of it isn’t the problem. The real problem is when I try to rely upon my own abilities, strength and understanding.

Thank You for helping me to understand that it is because of my lack of faith and hope right now that I can tap into You for more faith and hope. I am grateful for the reminder that it is during times in our lives when our faith and hope in You has been challenged, that it matters even more to have that in You. Even if it isn’t much.

So Father God, with this tiny little bit of hope, and barely any faith left in me, I come before You today. I ask that You will bless me with more hope. I ask that You continue to give me the strength and faith to face today’s challenges and to overcome whatever obstacles that are in our way.

I vow to give You all the praises and glory. In Jesus’ name I pray.

Amen.