Please let me start by saying that yesterday wasn’t exactly the easiest day for me (from a mental health perspective). I struggled mostly with my anxiety in and around the late-afternoon period, and during the early parts of the evening. I am also currently back to the whole “skipping lunch” routine again. With the very limited funds that I now have, I feel like I need to decide if I want to have lunch or if I prefer to have dinner. With the current costs of eating food outside being what it is, I really have to be prudent about how and where I’m spending my money right now.

While Limited, I am Still Grateful

¹⁹ Then He commanded the multitudes to sit down on the grass. And He took the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up to heaven, He blessed and broke and gave the loaves to the disciples; and the disciples gave to the multitudes. ²⁰ So they all ate and were filled, and they took up twelve baskets full of the fragments that remained.

Matthew 14:19-20 [NKJV]

The one thing I know I’m not allowed to say right now, is that I have little. Because the truth is, what I do have now isn’t little. It really isn’t much either. But the more accurate description of my current circumstances is that I’m somewhat limited/lacking in the different departments of my daily life.

So, when I begin to reflect upon what has been happening in my life for the last couple of years, one thing quickly becomes clear to me; I have been spending such a long time focusing on what I lacked, and how this limitation in my life has become a sort of obstacle for me to reach my goals, that I’ve lost sight of what I do/did have along the way. Even though, I’ve already sold away some of those useful possessions in the name of daily survival, I understand now that I had, on some levels, wasted what I did have.

So, going right back to the point that I’m trying to make today, is that while I may be lacking/limited in certain things today. And yes, perhaps those limitations also mean that there’s a limit to what I’m capable of achieving at this very moment. But it doesn’t mean that I am stuck.

While what I do have and what I can really do today is both limited and lacking in certain ways, I choose to remain deeply grateful for what I do have right now. It may not be much, but it is definitely way better than not having anything to work with.

So, as a way to show my appreciation and gratitude for what I do have today (even if nobody is watching or witnessing it publicly), I am determined, and committed to doing everything possible to make the most of whatever I have now. At the very same time, I’ll also surrender all that I have into God’s hands. My hope and prayer is that He will continue to guide me and show me more ways to make the most of what I have today.

God, Please Bless What I Have Today

This is where I like to finish my daily reflections for today. Now that I’ve acknowledged both the fact that I am limited in what I have (and what I can accomplish today), but also that I’m grateful that I still have something to work with (not so little), the next step would be to pray and ask God to turn what “limited” I have into something more.

And that starts with being grateful, truly grateful. It has been a little while since I did my gratitude exercise. It’s a thing that I started doing after I began this whole “My Daily Bread” routine back in 2018. There would be days when I woke up in the morning and I would struggle to find things to be thankful for. And during the first half of 2019, that was also put to the test. But as my past experience would prove it, the only way to get more out of what I had at that time, was to be really appreciative of what little I had then. I prayed and I discovered creative ways to maximize what I had. Eventually, over time, when I finally looked back on my journey/experience, I realized that I had experienced the whole “five loaves and two fishes” parable in my own life.

While today’s challenges and difficulties certainly shadow those of 2019 and 2018, I am grateful that I am starting from a slightly better place than where I was back then. Today, at least I have something to begin with. So I’m going to focus on that.

Personal Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for speaking to me about this. Thank You for revealing to me something that was already on my subconscious mind lately. That tug-of-war in my mind between thinking about “what I’m lacking (or limited by)” versus “what I do have today”.

Thank You for also reminding me about what I had gone through back in 2018 and 2019. That reminder also helped me to understand/realize that though today’s challenges/difficulties are far greater, at least I’m not starting from the same place where I was before. I am in a slightly better place today.

While I also acknowledge the fact/reality that I may not have everything that I need today (or the things that I can afford right now), I am also choosing to acknowledge that I still have something to work with.

So instead of focusing on what I lack today, I am making a choice to focus on what I do have. All I’m asking from You, is to bless me with ideas and ways to make the most of what I have today. And perhaps in that process, You will help to turn what “limited” I have today into more.

I thank You, Father, for the word that You have spoken to me today. I really needed that.

I vow to give You all of my praises. In Jesus’ name I pray.

Amen.