“You have also heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not break your vows; you must carry out the vows you make to the LORD.’

Matthew 5:33 [NLT]

One of the most important, perhaps the single most invaluable benefit of starting this My Daily Bread routine back then was that I discovered the incredible importance and value of having integrity, not just on a personal level, but also professionally. Since this is a space dedicated to my own spiritual reflections, I like to believe that it is also a safe space for me to be really honest about myself and my experiences. For most of my life, I’ve spent it trying to please others and to fit in. As a result of all that, I ended up forgetting that even as a child (according to people around me growing up), I had always been someone that others could count on. Was I born with a stronger character than others? Honestly, I am not a scientist, so I’m not sure about the whole psychology part of it.

What I do know is that the older I became, the more I wanted to fit in. The more I wanted to fit in, the more I compromised on my character and who I am. I eventually went from being a child with great character to an adult that had some serious trust issues.

So here’s something I have never ever mentioned before to anyone. In spite of the fact that I lost the better part of who I was, there were instances and moments in my life where my old self would just creep onto the surface. It’s usually during moments of personal frustrations. I got really tired of trying to please others and trying to fit in, so I just decided [subconsciously] for that brief moment to revert back to my default settings.

The First Major Turning Point

So it should already be kinda obvious. My first truly major turning point for my life was between 2018 and 2019 when I was actively engaging in the whole “My Daily Bread” routine. I was able to develop a really deep-level of self-awareness, and as a result, I was finally able to see myself for who I was and who I had became. I knew then I had to make a drastic change in my life if I ever want people to trust me again. I needed to stop all the things that I had been doing before (i.e. worrying about what others might think of me, wanting to fit in, and always trying to say/do things just to please others).

For a period of time, I actually did manage to do that. And though the fruits of that change didn’t become obvious immediately, when I finally notice the signs, the outcome was more than rewarding.

Also, being able to live my daily life with integrity helped me to earn the kind of respect that I had never had before. It’s different than trying to get somebody to “like” you. Respecting someone for who they are and how they think isn’t about always agreeing with them.

It’s about understanding and respecting them for being themselves instead of trying to be someone else.

You don’t have to like a person to be able to respect them.

Don’t Overdo It!

And then something happened. Something changed for me in the last few years. When things finally got challenging in my life, I felt it on a deeply personal level and suddenly I had this thought that maybe I need to do something about the situation. “Maybe I need to show (find a way to demonstrate to) them my integrity.”, I thought to myself.

That kind of thinking was what led to my recent downfalls, character-wise. In an effort to prove myself to others, I started going out of my way to impress people with “my integrity”. But in doing so, I ended up saying things and making promises that I couldn’t really keep. I was going back to that “old self” again.

It’s only because of a very recent reminder and swift kick in my butt that really woke me up to what I was allowing to happen. And I knew that I needed to do something to stop whatever was happening before things get so bad that it’s impossible to repair.

Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.

Matthew 5:37 [NLT]

When I read Matthew 5:37, I realized that I had missed this verse from before. I had to literally take a moment to think about what the verse was trying to tell me about myself and my recent behaviors.

It then dawn upon me that I had been overdoing things when it comes to being a person of integrity. The thing is, I don’t have to do anything just to prove to others about my character. I just need to keep a low profile and continue to do whatever I was doing post-2019.

Even though the Bible verse might only be referring to the words we sometimes use in a statement, “I swear…”, “I promise this and this…”; in reality, God is trying to teach us that it is more than just those words. It’s our actions and our attitude towards others.

Let’s face it, a person with a truly strong character/integrity won’t have to make any promises or swear on anything. They always mean what they say, and they always do what they say. It just is.

And that is the kind of person I am going to return to.

Personal Prayer for Today

Dear Father in Heaven,

I want to thank You for speaking to me today through Your word. Thank You for revealing to me the parts of myself that needed swift correction so that I can get back on the right path with You.

Thank You for helping me to realize that I have nothing to prove when it comes to my character as a individual. In fact, I understand now that I never have to “show” other people the kind of person that I am. I just need to BE.

As I come before You today, I surrender everything in my life into Your hands, plus all that I am as a person.

Thank You for Your grace as I find the peace I need to finally be myself again.

I vow to give You all the praise. In Jesus’ name.

Amen.